


To Survive The Night

by shellstrops



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: And emotional, M/M, also the italics didnt copy over when i transferred this from google docs and i'm bitter, this is messy but it's gay and cute, very emotional lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 12:56:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12013209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shellstrops/pseuds/shellstrops
Summary: marvin loses himself in the sound of whizzer's voice and the lights behind his eyes. they sit like this for hours. they always do. when the sun’s set and the rest of the world’s gone to sleep and the summer air sweeps over them like the tide. they sit there, for no other reason than to feel the other beside them, to be alive and together.





	To Survive The Night

Marvin loses himself in the sound of Whizzer’s voice and the lights dancing behind his eyes. It's half past one a.m. and they're out in the hammock in Marvin’s backyard, and Marvin's thoughts have blurred together to the point where he can't tell where one ends and the next one begins. One hand curls around a bottle of wine, and the other rests on Whizzer’s knee.

They sit like this for hours. They always do. When the sun’s set and the rest of the world’s gone to sleep and the summer air sweeps over them like the tide. They sit there, for no other reason than to feel the other beside them, to be alive and together.

Whizzer’s voice is a steady hum thrown out into the warm July night. Marvin remembers a time when he listened only to hear that hum, when he cared about Whizzer’s voice but not the words it carried, when he cared about the pretty face but not the man behind it.

Things are different now, Marvin thinks. Marvin hopes.

Back in the house, faded lights cast a warm glow out the windows. They set Marvin’s mind at ease, dancing and glowing.

Marvin looks at Whizzer. Whizzer with that maddening smile, Whizzer with glazed eyes that still shine bright beneath the moonlight, Whizzer, Whizzer, Whizzer, Whizzer.

Because Marvin doesn't just look at Whizzer anymore, he sees, and he watches, and he notices the details that he'd never paid attention to before. The way his lips tug at a smirk when he knows he's said something smart, the curve of his jaw, the way his eyes catch the moonlight. And it's in those moments that Marvin realizes just how in love he is, though that's something he'd never admit during the day, when the darkness can't swallow up his words and he has to face his own thoughts.

“Look.” Whizzer’s voice draws Marvin back into the present. His breath is warm against Marvin’s skin, a soft caress. A reminder, of sorts. Though Marvin’s not entirely sure what it's of.

Marvin follows Whizzer’s gaze up to the night sky, to a collection of stars. He's not sure what exactly he's supposed to be noticing, but the sky is pretty nonetheless.

“See that bright star right there?” Whizzer asks, barely a whisper. As if he's afraid to disrupt the stillness of the night. “That's the north star. And if you look just over there…” he guides Marvin’s eyes with his index finger. “That's the big dipper.”

Whizzer’s always had a fascination with the night sky, and perhaps that was what drew Marvin to him initially. He wasn't just a pretty boy that he could screw when his wife wasn't home, he was a person with interests, with a mind behind those shining eyes.

The first night when they'd met at that bar downtown, Whizzer had walked Marvin home. and while they'd walked, Whizzer had rambled drunkenly about the way the stars had aligned and how they were beautiful but not as beautiful as Marvin, and it had all been stupid drunken lies, but Marvin had fallen for each and every one.

Whizzer continues to talk about the stars and planets and constellations and Marvin halfway listens and halfway looks. Yes, Marvin likes looking at the stars, but not as much as he likes looking at Whizzer.

The night is silent. Just Whizzer’s voice and Marvin’s breathing. On nights like these, they can almost convince themselves that they're the only two people alive. That the earth yields to their feet, and the stars shine just for them, and the glow of the moon is like a spotlight thrown down upon them, illuminating their every move.

In that world, there's no Trina coming home tomorrow. There's no bullshit idea that Marvin can't look at Whizzer the way he does or kiss him beneath a sky full of stars. It's Marvin’s world. Marvin’s and Whizzer’s.

Marvin rests his head against Whizzer’s chest, rising and falling with his breath. and Whizzer can't see, can't tell, that Marvin’s crying as he buries his face in the fabric of Whizzer’s shirt. Maybe he can. But he doesn't say anything.

“What time is it?” Whizzer asks. But beneath his words lies an entirely different question: how much more time?

Marvin gives a shaky sigh and glances down at his watch. “We have five hours.”

Five hours until Trina and Jason pull up in the minivan, five hours until Whizzer has to leave, five hours until marvin’s forced back into a life of hiding and sneaking around behind his wife’s back.

Unless…

He toys with the idea that he's been chasing around his head for months. Usually he tries to keep it tucked away in the back of his mind, but now, with Whizzer’s fingers laced through his, he can't ignore it.

“I think I'm going to leave Trina,” Marvin says, pushing himself up into a sitting position. His words are like a bomb. A supernova exploding right there in his backyard.

The world seems to end for a few moments as marvin’s words sink in. For both of them.

Whizzer inclines his eyes to meet Marvin’s. It's maddening, the way his gaze doesn't move an inch. “When?” he asks.

“I don't know.” Marvin bites at his lip. He blinks away his tears, because fuck, he is not going to let Whizzer see him cry. “But I have to. I don't love her.”

“You don't… or you can't?” Whizzer dares to ask, his words cutting into Marvin like a fucking knife.

Marvin tears his gaze up to the stars like they might have an answer. They don't, but neither does Marvin. And he wonders how the hell he got himself into this situation, how he fell prey to such a pretty boy’s pretty face. and he wonders why he's always the one expected to have an answer.

“Leave her,” Whizzer says, and there's a surprisingly sympathetic note to his voice that Marvin rarely hears. “Or stay with her, for the kid. Do what you have to do. But you have to make a decision.”

“I-” Marvin’s voice catches in his throat. He shakes his head, crying, crying, crying. It's all too much, too much to think about. And he regrets opening this conversation, but there's nothing he can do now, just like there's nothing he can do to take back the last month with Whizzer or the last twelve years with Trina.

Whizzer takes Marvin’s hand in his and traces circles over his thumb. “Marv,” he says, “stop crying.”

Marvin hates this. He hates it all, the way he melts at the sight of Whizzer, the way he feels when Whizzer’s body is pressed up against his in the dark. He hates the word queer, and he hates that he knows it's what he is. He hates the way it echoes about his head whenever he's alone.

And he hates how in love he is with Whizzer and how there's nothing he can do about it.

“What do you want me to say?” Whizzer asks once the silence has grown too thick to breathe. “You're acting like… you want something from me. But I can't give you that if i don't know what it is.”

“I want you to say that it's fine that I'm in love with you and not my wife,” Marvin says. “And that it's fine that I want to divorce her and break her fucking heart and leave my son just so that I can hook up with you and not have to keep it a secret.”

Whizzer doesn't meet Marvin’s gaze. He's scared, Marvin can tell, though he's not sure what someone like Whizzer has to be afraid of.

“That’s not fine,” Whizzer says. “But that's how it is.”

Marvin doesn't say anything. He's got the world to say, but nothing to say it with, nothing to begin or end or fill the middle, and he's drunk, but not drunk enough, but he knows he's in love with Whizzer and not with Trina, and that's what matters, isn't it?

Isn’t it?

Marvin falls back against the hammock and it dips under his weight. He stares at the ground. And then at the stars. And then at Whizzer like he is the stars.

In a few hours, the sun will rise and Trina will come crashing back into Marvin’s life and Whizzer will go back to being a secret. And Marvin’s not ready for that, but ready or not, morning is coming, and they can't stay like this in the hammock forever.

But five hours is almost as good as forever when the air is warm and Whizzer’s body melts into Marvin’s and the stars reflect like tiny diamonds in their eyes.

Whizzer wraps his arms around Marvin, holding him in a tight embrace as he whispers fleeting words into Marvin’s ear. And this time, when Whizzer tells Marvin that he's more beautiful than the stars, Marvin actually believes it.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this at like 2am and then did my best to edit it into coherency during art,, idk if it worked lmao, this is very messy but it's gay and cute (hopefully). feel free to give feedback/comments/general thoughts if u enjoyed!!


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